How Courtney Got Her Groove Back

Flying home from Seattle yesterday I was reflecting on the weekend I'd just spent exploring the city and spending time with my sister. I had this overwhelming sense of joy come over me. It was total satisfaction of a great trip.

As I started thinking about heading home and what I needed to do for the week I realized I really had a great time and just felt ready to go home. I wasn't dreading going back to work. I wasn't feeling like I hadn't been gone long enough and needed more vacation time. I wasn't homesick for Pili, but I was excited to see her and had missed her. And most importantly I was no longer emotionally tied to Mr. X.

Mr. X happens to be somebody that I work with and have been trying to figure out a dating situation with for the last year. And since last December I've been trying to cut this person out of my life. Since I have to work with him I can't cut him out. Since we have to work together I can't tell him off (like I've wanted to soooooo many times). Instead I've been doing my job and only been a polite friend to Mr. X, and it has been hard. It has made me question my value. It has made me wonder about my dating life. It has made me question my ability to be loved. Its not rational thinking, I know this, but isn't it amazing how dating situations (esp sour ones) can truly mess with a girl's head?

But then coming home from Seattle, during reflection, listening to my ipod, I smiled hearing the words, "hurt at first a little bit, but now I'm so over it" and I realized I AM. I AM OVER it. Over Mr. X I mean. And it brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face.

And for being over it, and feeling more happy and more myself, I give all the credit to Seattle. I mean I left with certain thoughts and came home with them being settled. I truly believe I'm always me. At work or at home I'm the same. I am who I am if its in Utah or Georgia or Seattle. And I had fun in Seattle! I explored new places. I spent time with my sister. I flirted with waiters (well I was just being my normal self but was accused many times of being a flirt). I talked to strangers. And I remembered...... I have an AMAZING life!!!! And Mr. X has no claim or contribution to that, so why was I letting him take that happiness away?

In addition to Mr. X, I've had some issues with my boss and with my extremely nosey and smothering coworkers. For several months now I've been dreading going into work and avoiding lunch time or even running into certain coworkers in the bathroom. And this morning, I was by no means looking forward to seeing them, but I also didn't dread seeing all of them today. I went to work chipper and full of joy and I went home the same way. Just like Mr. X the coworkers no longer were allowed to interrupt or have control of my happiness.

I'm convinced what happened to me was more than just taking a few days off. It wasn't just time away to clear my head. It wasn't just a result of taking a vacation. I can't tell you what brought the change of thinking. I can't explain what caused my relief of emotional baggage to be lifted. But I can tell you that I LOVE how I feel. And I'm going to do everything I can to keep feeling this good about...... well, everything.