Timing is everything

I'm a procrastinator. I procrastinate and put things off to the final second out of fear. I'm afraid of the unknown. I'm afraid of failing. Sometimes its easier for me to put off a task that could benefit me and be for my own good simply because I'm afraid I'll fail. Especially when it comes to financial matters.

Growing up I was not taught about finances. The example I saw was plan to spend before you have it. Writing bad checks is ok. No matter how big a mess you make somebody will come rescue you, and if not you can just run from the problem. Ignore it and it will go away.

As an adult I've worked rather hard at unlearning the example I was taught. I have a job with a stable company. In 4 months I have no debt but my car after paying off $15,000 in credit cards over the last 3 years. I am saving for retirement. I'm saving to buy a house. Sometimes I make it between paydays with just $10 left in my checking account. The reasons why are countless - cute shoes, makeup, extra Pili treats, an armful of books, one too many fabulous dinners out. It happens. I'm human.

Today I was talking to my mortgage officer (If you're in the market for a home please let me give you her info, she is AWESOME) and I realized I'm really ok with all this money stuff. Not a millionaire. Not a credit nightmare. But I'm ok. And as I realized I'm ok I felt so foolish for being afraid to pull my credit. For not starting the mortgage process months ago when I realized my landlord was going to sell the house I've been renting and when I could still get an awesome tax credit. For being afraid to talk about money. For being afraid to unlearn what I was taught. And when I stopped to realize how much I've learned I couldn't help but be grateful. I realized my gratitude wouldn't have felt as sweet 2 years ago or 5 or even 10. The experiences I've worked through and learned with money and credit have had to occur to give me the knowledge and gratitude (rather than fear) I know have on the topic.

Another thing about my fear is that I've been so afraid of turning out like the example I had that I haven't taken the time to realize what I've done good with my finances. Today I realized it. And felt such a relief and such gratitude sweep over me.

The pat on the back lasts for a second because there is a world of things going on. The mortgage is almost completely pre-approved. The home I love is a short sale which takes a while so I'm also viewing back-up homes. I've applied for a new position at work. My roommate of 2 years is getting married in 2 months. And I've got to be moved by the end of July. The timing of all of this at once is a bit much to take!! But wouldn't it be so freaking cool if I get the job and the house I TOTALLY want? Until then please send happy thoughts or prayers (whichever is your method of choice) my way. And when I know the outcomes, you'll see a post.